There Is A McDonald's Opening At The Vatican And Some Of The Cardinals Are PISSED Off About It

The Local- Plans to open a McDonald’s next to Saint Peter’s Square in Rome have angered cardinals, including a group of the red-hatted “Princes of the Church” who live above the proposed site. “It’s a controversial, perverse decision to say the least,” Cardinal Elio Sgreccia said in an interview with La Repubblica daily on Saturday. Opening a branch of the US fast-food chain in a piazza to the right of the Vatican’s basilica is “by no means respectful of the architectural traditions of one of the most characteristic squares which look onto the colonnade of Saint Peters,” he said.

One angry cardinal has even written a letter to Pope Francis urging him to intervene against a commercial decision which would bring 30,000 euros ($33,000) a month into the Vatican’s coffers but at a noisy, burger-smelling price, La Repubblica said. Moreno Prosperi, head of the Committee for the Protection of Borgo, the historic district around the Vatican where many cardinals live, told AFP that the planned outlet would be a further blow to the area which draws huge throngs of tourists.

I realize that the cardinals in this story are probably all pretty important when it comes to everyday life at The Vatican. But they need to shut their mouths and let Mickey D’s set up shop without an guff. First of all, McDonald’s is delicious. These cardinals need to chill out, grab a value meal, and top it off with a nice milkshake. I’m sure whatever Da Vinci Code shit going on in the shadows has these beaten these guys down. But an occasional McDonald’s treat should loosen them up. Secondly, the Catholic church and McDonald’s is a legendary tag team. They probably account for more real estate on Earth than all four oceans combined. This also means that The Vatican is not only forming an unofficial alliance with McDonald’s but also with the home of McDonald’s, the good ol’ U.S. of A, since anyone with a brain knows that when you see those golden arches you think of America. A win/win for both parties in my humble opinion.

Third of all and most importantly, there is no chance a new McDonald’s gets built at The Vatican without Pope Francis rubber stamping it. Dude is the head honcho of a religion and is JC’s eyes and ears on the ground when Tim Tebow is sleeping. There is no way El Papa is letting any construction go on without his approval. I bet Francis saw the movie Richie Rich years ago and always dreamed about having a McDonald’s in his house and now he will basically have just that. In fact, Francis is probably screwing in light bulbs like Portnoy at Barstool HQ while also tasting the Sweet & Sour Sauce to make sure it tastes nothing like Latvian sweet and sour sauce. If these cardinals wanna stay up in the major leagues of Catholicism, they better zip their lips and let Pope Francis get his McNugget on whenever he likes. Big Dog gotta eat.